1
00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:02,536
(rock music)

2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,738
Here's your grilled cheese.

3
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,240
No crust.

4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,575
Cool.

5
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,642
And can you just move

6
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,046
your coloring materials, sir?

7
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,381
Look.

8
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:16,250
Pretty.

9
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,786
I was born during
the Great Depression,

10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,289
and I never saw anything
as depressing

11
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:25,659
as that grown-ass
white boy coloring

12
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:29,230
in the damn coloring book.

13
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:32,366
I was born during a
Def Leppard concert...

14
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:38,206
And that is the most
depressing thing I've ever seen.

15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,407
I'm gonna go school him.

16
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,742
Or, in his case,
pre-school him.

17
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,311
Max, be gentle.

18
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:47,181
I think he's in the middle
of his terrible 32s.

19
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:50,451
Excuse me,
OshKosh B'gosh.

20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,454
I have a question about
your coloring book.

21
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,089
Why?

22
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,524
Oh, they're for adults.

23
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,625
Super Zen.

24
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,093
Super meditative.

25
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,294
Helps with stress.

26
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,263
You know what else
helps with stress?

27
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,099
Sex.

28
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,667
And even if someone
could get past

29
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,303
those
boner-killing overalls...

30
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,339
you ain't gonna have
any of that if you keep this up.

31
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,274
Not to mention,
how stressful can your life

32
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,577
really be if you are carefully
shading a unicorn's ass

33
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,847
at 3:00 p.m. on a Tuesday?

34
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,316
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

35
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,884
(cash register bell dings)

36
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,489
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,261
(bell dinging)

38
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,663
OLEG: Pickup. Veggie wrap.

39
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,569
Oh, my God,
he's having sex.

40
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,906
SOPHIE: Oh, Caroline,
don't be such a prude.

41
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,608
Oh, good,
it's Sophie.

42
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:52,580
I was worried he was
at that bagel again.

43
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,549
Who says that a pregnant woman
can't have sex

44
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:59,287
on the kitchen floor
of a diner?

45
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,556
The Health Department, Sophie.

46
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,693
Oh boy,
sex makes me thirsty.

47
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,665
She just blew
right past those cups.

48
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,936
Sophie, having sex
with you pregnant

49
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:20,508
is even hotter than having sex
when you had the bird flu.

50
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,377
Yeah, well, you know,
I'm just as sweaty,

51
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,714
but I sneeze less.

52
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,549
Sophie, you're really
not letting

53
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,384
this pregnancy
slow you down.

54
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,420
You've already had
more sex just today

55
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:36,657
than Caroline's
had all year.

56
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,692
You're not even in
maternity clothes.

57
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:39,960
Yeah.

58
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:45,299
Well, I don't need to wear one
of those frumpy potato sacks.

59
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,436
Yeah, because
I'm a hot potato!

60
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,475
Oh.

61
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,978
Earl, what are you
looking at?

62
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,315
I have no idea.

63
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,852
RANDY: All right, Max...

64
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,254
It's time to have that

65
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,256
uncomfortable
conversation again.

66
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,990
Okay, but I thought you said
it was a hard no

67
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,561
on having sex in front of
the Today Sh window?

68
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,895
Oh, come on.

69
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,497
My month here is almost up.

70
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,700
I have to get back to L.A.,
and we need a plan.

71
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,502
We have a plan.

72
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:25,806
I use the NuvaRing I found at
the Burlington Coat Factory.

73
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,877
They really are more
than great coats.

74
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,445
Max, let's get real.

75
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,314
Max doesn't like to
talk about reality

76
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,715
unless it's reality TV.

77
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:38,419
Like the Cops New Orleans
episode she was on.

78
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,689
It's the only time Fox
has ever aired a nipple.

79
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,596
Uh, who ordered
the Korean boy band?

80
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,434
Uh, can I help you?

81
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,802
Yeah, hi.

82
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,304
I'm looking for Han Lee.

83
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,005
'Bout yay big.

84
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:02,343
'Bout yay stupid.

85
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,677
You're looking for Han?

86
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,047
Just Han, or are you trying
to collect the whole set?

87
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,884
You kind of look like this
Korean pop star named Bong.

88
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:14,388
Well, my bong is from Korea.

89
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,856
Uh, Han is not here.

90
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,527
Well, if you see him, just tell
him Hwang came to say,

91
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,763
if he doesn't call me back,
he's got three strikes

92
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,466
and no balls.

93
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,601
Oh, he knows that.

94
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,372
Oh, my God,
do you think Han

95
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,773
may be in some
sort of trouble?

96
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,974
I'm really worried.

97
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,343
(phone beeps)

98
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,511
Oh, J. Crew sale!

99
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:41,915
(rock music)

100
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,985
So, after we pay the painters,
the electrician, the plumber,

101
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,788
and, of course,
the bribes to the inspectors,

102
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,324
we have just enough money left
for what I like to call

103
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,992
a little "cash cush."

104
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:56,464
If that's cash we use for kush,
I'm excited about it.

105
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,432
We can't spend that money,
so pretend it's not there,

106
00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,934
like you do
with recycling bins.

107
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,869
(crashing)

108
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,970
Oh, no!

109
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,640
The rats are using our tarp
as their Superdome again!

110
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,443
I'll get the rat mallet!

111
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:13,581
HAN: No, don't get
the rat mallet!

112
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,783
It's a talking one,
get the gun.

113
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,788
Well, if it isn't
Crouching Loser, Hidden Virgin.

114
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,927
Girls, I'm in a bit
of hot water.

115
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,664
What happened, you fell into
a tea cup again?

116
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,901
No, I'm in deep trouble!

117
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:37,070
You've never been
in deep anything.

118
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,473
Well, wait, is that why those
scary-looking guys

119
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,074
came into the diner
looking for you

120
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,643
and made some threats?

121
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,113
I remember something about
a strike and no balls.

122
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,616
Something about no balls?

123
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,684
You monsters didn't get
the precise wording

124
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,554
on a threat to my life?

125
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,089
I was a little
distracted, Han.

126
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,159
J. Crew claimed to have
a 50% off sale,

127
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:03,564
but then I clicked on the link,
and it was an "up to" 50% sale.

128
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,866
Mostly on men's suiting.

129
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,636
Oh, do send me the link
so I can select the suit

130
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,540
I'll be buried in!

131
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,876
Because you two can't
take a damn message!

132
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,045
All right, Han,
what is going on?

133
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,447
Are you really in trouble?

134
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,180
(car backfiring)

135
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,082
(screams)

136
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,016
Hey!

137
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,152
What was that?

138
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,522
Help me, strong,
big man!

139
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:29,990
That wasn't gunshots, Han,

140
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,159
it was just a car
backfiring.

141
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,861
What's going on?

142
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,097
Well, there's no
easy way to say it.

143
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:42,603
I have a pretty substantial
gambling problem.

144
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:46,774
But Han, that's
almost interesting.

145
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:50,878
Yeah,
and I'm almost history!

146
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,613
In case you
weren't following,

147
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,615
I'm in a lot of debt!

148
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,916
*

149
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,189
Han, my man,
I'm here for you.

150
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,557
Tell us what it is.

151
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,727
Poker, ponies, football?

152
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,696
It's...

153
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:13,166
ladies tennis.

154
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,769
Ladies tennis?

155
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,672
I didn't even know
you played tennis.

156
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,541
Yeah, well,
it's a vicious sport.

157
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:24,077
And I lost most of my money on
those Williams sisters.

158
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,447
Never trust a big butt
and a smile.

159
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,884
You're telling me!

160
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,087
I thought the bad one
was the good one.

161
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,789
How much do you owe
these people?

162
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,025
Well, with the initial debt
and the interest,

163
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,827
I'm told it's
in the neighborhood

164
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,830
of a black market kidney.

165
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,765
Those are pretty pricey.

166
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,168
I know,
I have two of them.

167
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:52,105
Han, that's fascinating,
yet disturbing.

168
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:56,243
Like when you use a black light
at a Red Roof Inn.

169
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,045
You're like an enigma.

170
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,682
Enigma, please.

171
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:05,018
(rock music)

172
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,755
Han, how dangerous
can Hwang be?

173
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,790
His office is in
a karaoke bar.

174
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:10,991
The only thing
he's gonna murder

175
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,827
is the Hall and Oates
catalogue.

176
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,129
Han, you have to
face this bully.

177
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,533
And this is coming from
your biggest bully.

178
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,671
Now come on, do what I say,
or I'll beat you up.

179
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,005
Here we go.

180
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,642
Oh, I just remembered--
I need to get my sweater.

181
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,043
From my home.

182
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,046
In Korea.

183
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,317
* Hey I just met you

184
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,286
* And this is crazy

185
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,921
* So here's my number

186
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,923
* Oh, so call me maybe

187
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,626
* And all the other girls

188
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,294
* Try to chase me

189
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,096
* But here's my number

190
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,698
* So call me maybe

191
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:51,865
Boom.

192
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,634
(hooting)

193
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,869
(applause)

194
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:56,970
He looks busy.

195
00:08:57,004 --> 00:09:00,040
Let's revisit this
in September.

196
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,843
HWANG: Oh, I see
we have company.

197
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,313
Come in, sit down,
give me my money.

198
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:07,447
Look, Mr. Hwang.

199
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,051
We understand Han has a weakness
for pleated white skirts

200
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,686
and over-developed thighs.

201
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,187
Slow down,
let me handle this.

202
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,924
I have experience
with hardened criminals.

203
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:21,228
First off,
killer Carly Rae Jeps.

204
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:25,332
Um, do you mind if a sister
does, like, five shots?

205
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,900
Look, Mr. Hwang.

206
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,970
Call me by my first name:
Hwang.

207
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,807
Your names is Hwang Hwang?

208
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,376
Oh, you think that's funny?

209
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,811
So did Kim.

210
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:42,182
Kim, show them
your mangled genitals.

211
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:46,053
We're all set,
mangled genitals-wise.

212
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:50,323
Speak for yourself, I'd take a
peek at them mangled gennies.

213
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,661
Uh, perhaps we could put an
installment plan in place

214
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,828
for the money Han owes you?

215
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,229
How much is it, exactly?

216
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,965
$30,000.

217
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:01,902
BOTH: On ladies tennis?

218
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,071
I'm sure we can
figure this out.

219
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,175
Yeah, I have a free pass
to any AMC Theatre.

220
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,349
I should warn you, though,
it does exclude the IMAX.

221
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,051
Keep it, Han.

222
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,654
I've decided to give you a
little time to pay me back.

223
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,690
MAX: That is so cool of you.

224
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:23,724
How much time?

225
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,759
Uh, one song.

226
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,360
Right now.

227
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,095
And Han?

228
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,330
You better make it
a toe-tapper.

229
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,265
'Cause when you're done,

230
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:36,069
you'll have one less toe
to tap.

231
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,106
You're not really gonna
take off his toes.

232
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:43,443
Kim, show him
your missing toes.

233
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,378
Come on, Han,
it's show time.

234
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,347
I mean, "toe time."

235
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,886
Oh, my God, this is like
when they make people sing

236
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,423
on American Idol after
they've been voted off.

237
00:10:56,456 --> 00:11:00,728
Hwang, what are you gonna do
with another toe?

238
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,329
I mean, you think
you need another one,

239
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,431
and then they just
sit on the shelf.

240
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,400
If I don't take his toes,
then I'm known as the guy

241
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:12,039
who says he's gonna take toes
and then doesn't take toes.

242
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,875
Uh, can I peruse
a song book?

243
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:18,912
It might take a while,
I'm very picky.

244
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:21,949
ABBA...

245
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,418
AC/DC...

246
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,889
Adele...

247
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:32,059
I already
picked you a song.

248
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,062
"Last Dance" by Donna Summer.

249
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,297
HWANG: 'Cause when
that toe is gone,

250
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,366
it'll be the last time
you dance.

251
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,400
Sing.

252
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,502
(Donna Summer's
"Last Dance" playing)

253
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:47,040
* Oh

254
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,309
*

255
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:53,513
* Oh

256
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,050
*

257
00:11:57,084 --> 00:12:01,154
* Last dance

258
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:06,293
* Last chance for love

259
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:10,297
*

260
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:14,034
* Yes it's my last chance

261
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,837
* For romance

262
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,873
* Tonight

263
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:24,845
*

264
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,380
* I need you

265
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,517
* By me

266
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,853
* Beside me

267
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,187
* To guide me

268
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,555
What are we gonna do?

269
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,024
You heard Han.

270
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:41,394
He needs us by him,
beside him, to guide him!

271
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,030
Should we go
and get the cops?

272
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,397
No, by the time
they get back,

273
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,135
Han will have one less toe,
if Hwang even stops there.

274
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,402
What if he takes
his whole foot?

275
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:53,340
Han needs all the height
he can get.

276
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,143
Didn't you say something about
us having a money cushion?

277
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,878
We can't use the cushion.

278
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,814
We need it for the dessert bar
in case we have a slow start.

279
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:04,284
Like we have had with every
business we've started before.

280
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,520
You sure?
'Cause...

281
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,523
* Don't leave

282
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,560
* Scold me

283
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,029
* 'Cause when I'm bad

284
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:20,433
* I'm so so bad

285
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,507
Leaning towards helping.

286
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:31,511
Han is annoying, nerdy,
bad at sports,

287
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,314
but he gave us a cushion when
we didn't have anything.

288
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,484
Max, I want to help Han,
but I also don't want us

289
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,919
to wind up with nothing.

290
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,487
Again.

291
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,223
Let me see him
one more time.

292
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,593
* So let's dance

293
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,295
* Let's dance

294
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,063
HAN: * Let's dance

295
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,498
* The last dance

296
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,966
Can I start over?

297
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,937
I had a bubble in my throat.

298
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,106
(rock music)

299
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,074
Chestnut,
we have big news.

300
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:03,510
And something called mochi.

301
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,878
RANDY: In here.

302
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,880
I let myself in.

303
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,949
Chestnut can talk?

304
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,084
Thank you, God!

305
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,923
What's up,
good looking?

306
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,157
CAROLINE: I still can't believe

307
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,059
you're dating someone
who looks like that,

308
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,261
and can read.

309
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,998
Randy, you will
not believe what we did.

310
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,566
We saved Han's life.

311
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,436
Well, not his life,
so much as his toe,

312
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:33,373
but still an amazing
gesture on our part.

313
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,041
Well...

314
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,610
long story
about a short guy,

315
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:42,082
we bought the diner.

316
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,350
I had to get
something out of it.

317
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,685
I mean,
I'm not Mother Teresa.

318
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,620
You bought the diner?

319
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,123
The diner that doesn't
show up on Google Maps

320
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,524
for legal reasons?

321
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,260
That diner?

322
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,995
Why would you do that?

323
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,663
Well, not bought, exactly.

324
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,532
We got Han out of debt in
exchange for part ownership.

325
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,669
It's like, we spend five years
trying to get out of hell,

326
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:06,006
and then...
we bought hell!

327
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,140
Crazy, right?

328
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,442
Yeah, no, real crazy.

329
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,945
When I think of impulse buys,
I think of Altoids

330
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,047
or a flashlight keychain.

331
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:17,217
Well, I guess
congratulations.

332
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,651
Wait, what is that look
on your face?

333
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,553
I've never seen it before.

334
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,555
Are you mad?

335
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,157
Just surprised
you didn't think

336
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,026
to talk to me
about it first.

337
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:30,697
What, every time I buy a diner,
I have to tell you?

338
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,566
I go back to L.A.
in three days.

339
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,202
You couldn't make
a plan for that,

340
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,570
but you bought the diner?

341
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,606
That's a commitment.

342
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,608
Now it's done.

343
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:47,514
I should go tell Chestnut
what we did.

344
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,650
'Cause he is gonna laugh.

345
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,589
I know what'll
make this all okay.

346
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,026
Some jug snugs?

347
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,995
Yours, not mine.

348
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,596
Nothing?

349
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,065
Well, if we're not
gonna do it,

350
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,133
at least put on a shirt.

351
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,468
I am human.

352
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,337
You really think you're
gonna have time for us?

353
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,473
Starting a new business
and owning the diner?

354
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,541
Yes!

355
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,409
I had four jobs
in sixth grade,

356
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:20,013
and I still had time to follow
Smash Mouth around the country.

357
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:24,351
Not the band, a meth head
my mom really liked.

358
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:28,088
Chestnut had a big reaction to
the news, as well.

359
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,090
Where's the poop shovel?

360
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,324
(rock music)

361
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,097
Hey, boss ladies,
congratulations!

362
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,566
I heard that you own
the diner now.

363
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,702
Which is why I am
doing double doobies.

364
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,506
Part!
Part owners!

365
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,607
I'm still the boss.

366
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,608
Put that away!

367
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,611
Doobie continued.

368
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:55,248
Who's the boss,
Tiny Danza?

369
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,251
Well, I will be again,
as soon as I scrape up

370
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,786
the money to pay you back.

371
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,354
But don't worry,
from now on,

372
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,657
I'm not gambling on anything
but lunch at Chipotle.

373
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,263
Hey, everybody!

374
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,200
Sophie's back
and better than ever!

375
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,669
Like racism in America.

376
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,239
I heard that.

377
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,408
Wow, Sophie,
that is some dress.

378
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:25,378
And there must be one
very cold leopard out there.

379
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:28,648
Oh, I like your style, baby.

380
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,383
SOPHIE: I realized

381
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:34,821
I don't need to wear those
basic bitch maternity clothes.

382
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:39,326
I can be maternal without
losing that little whisper

383
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,329
that says, "I'm doable."

384
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,865
Yes, you are.

385
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,302
She also made a maternity item
for the bedroom.

386
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,639
It's called "The PregligГ©."

387
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,773
Hey, Oleg.

388
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:57,110
Meet me in the bathroom.

389
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,250
Hey, Earl,
I'm heading out.

390
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,485
I guess we'll never get to do
that Lethal Weapon reboot

391
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,420
we talked about.

392
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:12,225
That's all right, I'm doing
a Rush Hour reboot with Han.

393
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,826
What're you doing
with that luggage?

394
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,329
Did I get you kicked out
of another hotel?

395
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,398
No, I changed my ticket.

396
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,667
Going back to L.A. today.

397
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,335
But that's today.

398
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,605
And that is a ticket
to Los Angeles.

399
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,609
Use it whenever you want
and I'll be there.

400
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,877
This is empty.

401
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,614
Yeah, everything's
done online now.

402
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,350
I just did that
for effect.

403
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,252
You'll get an email.

404
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,522
Good luck with your dessert bar
and the diner.

405
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,357
I'm gonna see you.

406
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,359
Yeah.

407
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,236
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

408
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,405
Why are you being
so good-bye-y?

409
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:01,374
I'm gonna visit as soon as
things get settled here.

410
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,775
And we'll talk every day.

411
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,645
I'm even better at phone sex
than I am at real sex.

412
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,247
I find that
hard to believe.

413
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,650
It's the only thing on
my resumГ© that's not a lie.

414
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:14,521
I'll figure it out.
We'll make a plan.

415
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,189
I know you think that.

416
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,325
But I think I was right
the first time.

417
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,261
Long-distance relationships
don't work.

418
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,796
And I think the real
distance between us

419
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,965
is where we are
in our lives.

420
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:26,933
What distance?

421
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:30,303
I'm three inches away
from you.

422
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,574
You better get back
to your diner.

423
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,709
I love you, Max.

424
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,747
I love you, too.

425
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,788
Okay, that felt
really good-bye-y.

426
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,830
I'm okay, Earl.

427
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,967
This is for me.

428
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,905
I know this is really hard,
but you don't know where

429
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,407
this all is gonna end up.

430
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,710
Like you, when you ride
the subway on ecstasy.

431
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,514
Are you okay?

432
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,916
I am the opposite of okay.

433
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,855
You know, as the boss,
I could let you take a break.

434
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,657
I mean, ten minutes, tops.

435
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,259
If I give you more
than ten minutes,

436
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,894
then I'll be known
as the girl who says

437
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,329
she's gonna give
ten minutes,

438
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,599
then doesn't give
ten minutes.

439
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,334
I need to talk
to the owner.

440
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,468
BOTH: That's me!

441
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:39,639
Oh, that was really painful.

442
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,809
And probably worse
than losing a toe.

443
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,746
(rock music)

444
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,881
(cash register bell dings)